[last night] Tito Ramir & Tita Susan’s 25th silver wedding anniversary. ZDANGGG! That’s awesome. They were so cute hahaha. The church looked hecka nice, & the reception was fun. Food was bombbb <3 Haha. Danced for a while, took pictures for daaays. “People like to call me the Mac Berry, not the Mac Daddy” HAHAHA.
[today] Church. Soulfire kick its. Foooood! Watched//counted Ryan do his hair flips, HAHAHAH. “You should put a camera on his guitar.” Clean & Clear oil wipes. Jerel’s was nastaaay. Ashley & Joy’s lotion, haha. “Aren’t those pore napkins?” HAHAH. Met Maryann!, finally. Best friend, you did good, y’all are cute together :) Talked about small group. Orbit Big Pack! Thirtaaay fiiiigh. “It’s funny though cos you guys are, like, creepers”
Weird weather today. Cold, hot. Happy 14th, Matthew! Silly string. Cupcakes, mmm. Paid for my literature book. $65.30. White-Out. Cut & paste. “I forgot the paste part” Hella deep talks w/Roberto, gooood stuff. “But you know, that’s when I realized that I wanted to make a big change in my life” Proud of that fool. People are poppin’ again -__- DJ at lunch. Watched people dance. Did my interview for my English project, finally. Skipped Kelly’s, had a sub. Went to Fuller’s instead. “I’m gonna make my husband sing to me when he puts on my ring” Realized some crazy stuff today, on the real. Got picked up today, didn’t take the bus. Still misses & loves you.
Finished Romeo & Juliet movie in Fuller’s. If it wasn’t a modern version, I don’t think I would have watched it, hahah. + Leonardo di Caprio, <3 “DAAAYUM, HE IS FOOIIINE” Haha.
People from MACSA came & talked to us. It seems like an interesting school, but I hella wanna go to Independence, so I don’t think I’m gonna apply to MACSA.
David sprayed me w/his cologne at brunch, JUST COS I kept complaining that he was wearing too much. So the stupid idiot sprayed it on me. -__- Took Susan’s Berry Kiss & sprayed it on me for daaaays hahaha.
“'I Love You' isn't something to say too quickly. It's not just a word, though a lot of people will just throw it out there. Being in love is when things are going so well that happiness is beyond belief. You're 200 percent happy and excited.”—So there you go; there’s my explanation for always being so happy.
5) Falling asleep on the phone after a deep, on the real, late night talk with someone you love. 4) Long drives with no point of destination, blasting any CD you can find and putting it on repeat, with your family//mains in the car singing along. 3) Being anywhere that live music is played in a sea of people who know every word of your favorite song by heart just as well as you do, making it impossible for at least two minutes and thirty seconds to feel alone. 2) Spending a long day with someone special doing whatever you want, wherever you want. 1) Having someone show you something about yourself that you never knew. And realizing that that person knows you so much better than you know yourself.
* Yes, I posted this blog to contradict my last, not-so-happy blog. :)
… of all the drama in your little posse of friends. Have you noticed that I’m never happy when I’m around you? You know why? It’s because all you girls know how to do is TALK SMACK. You’re either two-faced backstabbers who can’t keep any friends, untrustworthy little 14-year-olds who make up rumors to make people feel bad, or completely clueless sissies who kiss up to people to get them to like you. I mean, seriously? Get a life, and stop trying to be obsessed with everyone else’s.
… of projects and tests and homework. It’s the end of the year, cut us some slack, please? I don’t think I can take another 3-page essay, so lay off.
… of not understanding what we are. Granted, we are NOT “just friends.” I know that for a fact. People who are “just friends” don’t kiss & hold hands. People who are “just friends” don’t text each other last thing at night & first thing in the morning. I’m not trying to be pushy again, I swear. Sometimes I’m okay with us, the way we are. But most of the time, I miss us. And I know you do, too. I could tell by the way you hold me. By the way you kiss me. By the way you make sure I’m the last one you talk to at night. By the way you tell me that you miss me. Don’t be scared. There’s nothing to be afraid of, I promise. I LOVE YOU. And don’t lie, I know you love me too. ;)
… of hearing you complain. And nag. And rant. THINGS WILL GET BETTER, I assure you. Things just have to get worse before they can get better, TRUST.
… of seeing you like this. I DON’T LIKE THEM TOGETHER, EITHER. You KNOW you deserve the best, and he’s just not giving you that right now. Just promise me you’ll be happy, because I don’t want you getting hurt anymore.
“When you love someone that much and that person is away from you, sometimes it literally feels like you can’t breathe, as if your body is aching for air. And then that person walks into the room, and all that ache inside of you, all that longing, dissolves and you feel yourself breathe again. But it’s as if he takes the same breath with you. You’re both one.”—Diane Les Becquets
Dude, okay, seriously. I’ve been stressing about hella stuff, it’s not even funny. There are so many things going on, I don’t know how much more I can take.
Things at home: AIN’T CRACKIN, foreal foreal. We don’t even like living in that house anymore, we always get yelled at for the stupidest things. It’s like, yea, thanks for letting us move back in, but DAANGG MAN. Hella watching our every move, BREAKING INTO OUR ROOMS, always asking where we’re going, making us do every damn thing in that house. We’re ALL tired of it, EVERYBODY.
Things at school: Content. I don’t really have any homework anymore, cos it’s the end of the year or whatever. So that’s been breeezy. But I have a crapload of projects =/ Haven’t had many tests, either. So it’s not as stressful, I suppose. I’m just tryna focus on making grades & stuffff, which is going great.
Things with friends: No more drama, THANK GOODNESS. Although I didn’t pull myself into any of it, I was still stuck in the middle, having to always pick sides. But I didn’t, because I didn’t wanna get into any of that. But now, we’re all chill again, plus or minus a few along the way. But s’all good. I know who my true friends are, best of the best.
Today’s horoscope: You have things in the right perspective. Don’t let a negative person get you down. Extended horoscope: Each person is responsible for his or her own happiness, so do not feel obligated to put a bright smile on a sour puss today. It’s too much work for too little effort. Some people are happier when they have something to complain about, so let them be miserable while you choose happiness. Your perspective is spot on, so don’t let a negative person in your life tell you there’s no such thing walking off into the sunset. Prove them wrong by being happy.
Ms. Kelly:We're going to pick your topics on random. Because if you're Hispanic, you're going to want to pick the Mexican immigrants. If you're Asian, you'll want the Chinese or Filipinos. So we're going to pick at random.
Gilbert:That's dumb. Us Mexicans just know more about Mexicans, that's why. It's easier that way.
Ms. Kelly:Well, there are other people in the world, you know. There are other ethnicities, other cultures, other people.
Omar:That's bullshit. We were all black at one point.
So I told everyone to come at around/before 7, right. They all did a very good job at that, haha. Everyone was there by at least 7:15. *Austin would like to make a point that he was the first one there, hahaha. Anyways, yeah. Everyone was there, minus a couple people.
They told us it would take 45 minutes for us to get seated since we were a party of 28. So we were just hanging out, taking hella pictures, mingling. We wait and wait, then it hits 8:30. Everyone was getting restless, saying they were hungry. So we just kept waiting. Couple went inside the mall since they thought it would take long, Ate Rachel & Kenneth went to Barnes & Noble, everyone else just stayed & waited. Then it hit NINE thirty. And we were like, WHAT THE HELL. That was soooo not forty-five minutes. & they STILL weren’t ready! I was getting so pissed. I was hella stressing, cos they took FOREVER & they had BAD SERVICE, and I felt bad cos I made everyone come early for nothing.
But Kuya Jerwin helped me calm down. Love that fool. He even talked to the workers @ Chili’s so we could go inside. He was being polite to my family, too. “Bye Uncle, bye Auntie.” Haha, my Auntie Carolyn was like, “I like him, he’s nice.” Haha, thanks Kuya. Love you.
Sat next to Kenneth the whole time <3 Haha. We were texting each other even though we were one foot apart, haha! I thought it was cute =X He kept this sticker on my phone, so I left it there. He was looking through my texts too, like I didn’t know. Ha, thought that was cute too. He was singing too, cutecutecute. <3 He acts like I didn’t hear him, haha. You don’t know how happy I was, to have him sitting next to me & just being there. It would have been different if he wasn’t there, it definitely wouldn’t have been the same. “Those texts from me are so stupid” Hahaha. <3 S’okay, love. Man. You seriously don’t know how happy he made me last night. Thanks, love. I missed you. <3
I know Ate Rachel had fun ;D COUGH. Her & Kuya Jerwin made this nasty thaaang, that no one ate. Haha. “What’s it called with too much salt? Cholesterol?” “Sodium” “I’m gonna get hella sodium!” HAHAHAH. VVV
Ended up taking Roberto, Jorge, and Daniel home. “I’m gonna call a cab.” “What?! Hell no! I’m not gonna get raped!” “Screw that, man. I’ll walk home.” Hahaha, oh man. So we all hella squeezed in my dad’s car. “Make a right here, then a left, then keep going, then a right, then a left, then another left, then a right, then a left—” “AND YOU GUYS WALK TO SCHOOL?!” Hahaha.
Last night was fun. Everyone I loved was there, minus a few people. Despite all the stress, I had so much fun. I love you guys, thanks for helping me have a great birthday. <333
then I’ll stop trying. Just hear me out, I need to let it all out.
Even if we share all the same words, meanings can be different. And the mistake isn’t in speaking the different languages, but in ignoring the fact. I thought you & I had perfectly matched up our vocabularies & our definitions.
But that’s just not possible.
There are always meanings that are different, words that are heard differently than they’re said. We interpret things one way, but they’re really meant in another.
I think I’m going to learn to appreciate the word close. Because that’s what you & I are. We’re close. Not all the way there. Not identical. But close. Because that’s as far as you should ever get with another person: very, very, very close.
It’s a ton of crap to think of friendship & romance as being different. They’re not. They’re just vast variations of the same love. Variations of the same desire to be close.
"I see the way you guys click. You & him are meant for each other. You both feel it, but only one of you believes it. It’s time to take action, even if it’s not that easy, even if you’ve tried a hundred times. It’s time to use the truth as a form of persuasion.”
I realize that. And that’s what I’ve been doing for the past week.
I’m going to tell you the truth even though you’ve heard it a billion times.
I miss you.
I don’t understand what I did to make you disappear, but whatever it was, I want to prevent it from happening again. I know I always manage to mess up the things that mean the most to me. And then I try to fight so hard to fix things because I’ve been told,
"Fight for what you believe in, or it will inevitably disappear."
And I don’t want that to happen, I don’t want you to disappear.
I’m not gonna say “I’m in love with you,” because that’s the sentence that’s in every sentence, the feeling that’s behind every word. You already know that.
But I will say this:
I know I fight so hard and I know it’s annoying and I know that I get everything wrong all the time and I know you probably feel like you’ve come to your senses by deciding to get me out of your life. I know you find all my attempts at fighting for you funny and I know you’re gonna laugh at every single one of them. You’re sweet and nice and funny, and I know I’ve been a jerk to you at times, I’m sorry. I know that I totally sprung myself on you and you’ve probably regretted it ever since. But I really, really hope that you feel that there was something there, because I have a great time when I’m with you, and I feel like I could be the person I want to be when I’m with you, and I know I could treat you the way you deserve when I’m with you. And I realize that I’ll probably screw it all up, if I haven’t screwed it up already, but I’m hoping that you might find it in your heart to maybe risk that, try again, and see what happens.
But if not, hey. I tried.
I know it won’t all happen now. And it can’t ever happen perfectly. But we can try. If you want to. Because it takes two to make things work.
But if not, I’ll be here. Anytime you need me, superstar. Anytime. <3